Miranda Crampton, The Power of Labels
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Miranda Crampton, 25
Disabled, mentally ill, victim.
Multiperspective, advocate, survivor.
You must be wondering why you’re reading these words, or be confused as to what they all have in common huh? Well allow me to clear up the confusion; my name is Miranda, I am a 25 year old female PWD (person with disabilities) & those words well, they’re me. They’re also not me. Before I get ahead of myself, allow me to give you some back story on my journey, how I ended up on your screen today, & how I came to have the amazing experience of working with the fabulous Anna Soriano.
Grief Stricken, unstable, insecure, weak.
Spiritual, adaptive, intuitive, resilient.
For most people my age, their life’s major traumas, & downfalls have not happened to them yet. For most children, & young adults they live the years where we grow, where fundamental development takes place, cloaked in the loving shroud of our families or guardians. Where we are kept safe from the cruel realities of the world, aware they exist but kept out of harms way. However for me, & many other brave souls like me this is not our reality.
When I was 8 years old my father passed away suddenly, this was the first death in a cycle unbroken to this day; 1 significant loss per year for 17 years including young friends & family alike. I have lost people/beloved fur children to sudden illness like in my fathers case pneumonia, unexplainable passing, medical negligence, various types of both slow drawn out & rapidly developed cancer, suicide, drug over dose, heart attack, stroke, and old age. I know, I know the first words probably coming to your mind are something along the lines of poor thing, but those aren’t the kinds of responses I want my words here today to invoke.
My father suffered a shoulder injury
which left him extremely addicted to prescription pain killers. If you’ve had any experience surrounding addiction, you already understand how much it changes people. This was the case for my father; although I unfortunately was not given a fighting chance to know who he was before the pills, I trust that the man who my mom initially gave her heart to was good. I can’t tell you exactly what age I was when the physical abuse for her started, but I know I was 7 years old when things passed the point of return between my father & I. The emotional abuse towards her & myself had been present from my earliest memory, things I know now as an adult that should be said or done to no child. My mom is one of the strong ones, she tried & tried. Gave chance after chance, & when things had gone too far for too long she had the strength to get herself & her children out of that situation, while still allowing reasonable visitation. Although children don’t always understand, they still observe, & from a young age I understood that I always felt unsafe, alone, & misunderstood. These feelings with time, became facts to me as my fathers distaste towards me grew out of resentment for my mother. I want to say roughly 9 months prior to his death, after an abusive incident I was unwilling to speak with or see him for 2 months. After time to myself, & an apology from him I did resume visitation with him however I refused to be there without my brother as things weren’t bad if he was present. I want to say I only saw him up to 6 times from then to his death, the last time being right before my 8th birthday. His death coming before I had a chance to grow up left me imprinted with the notion that I am unlovable, which is simply not true. This is also the start of where my nervous systems damage began. This is where my counselling journey began, & my mental health journey began.
Attention seeker, negative, dramatic. Vulnerable, honest, raw.
Fast forward to 2018 I was 19 years old, & on top of my childhood, had endured years of school bullying, an extremely unhealthy relationship with food, & severe mental health struggles which had left me extremely cold, guarded, & isolated. This isolation & desperate desire to be loved caused me to find myself stuck in a very unhealthy, & abusive relationship; repeating what I grew up witnessing. Shortly after the start of this relationship I started to develop physical illnesses, & damage causing me to go on medical EI. It took years in the long run, seeing multiple specialists, counsellors, pain clinics, you name it to get answers & diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Interstitial cystitis & pelvic floor dysfunction, being this was a life long condition/diagnosis with limited treatment & research available at the time, I was to begin expensive medications, & triggering food restrictive diets to reduce symptoms. But no extensive treatment plan, or the knowledge and language needed to explain what was going on with me to others. After almost 3 years of a lack of self worth due to the abuse I was enduring, my health diagnosis, having to put all major life goals on hold, having lost the ability to do simple tasks that are normal to others, and having a compromised self esteem; that relationship finally came to an end.
Shortly after this, the amazing blessing we know & love as Anna showed up in my life.
Anna shot work portraits for my mom, during that time they chatted about me, & Anna wanted to see a picture. Anna then told my mom she needed to shoot me, & impact me through her work. I was shocked & confused, I didn’t reach out at first, I didn’t understand what this insanely talented, & established women saw in me. But with shaky hands & anxiety in my chest I reached out.
During our first session despite my slight unwillingness to open up, she forced my eyes wide open to see what she sees through the power of her photography. That day forever left me with a different view of myself. Things got better for a while too! Until they didn’t & I ended up on medical EI again then disability, worse off physically than I had ever been, having developed fibromyalgia along the way. I feel partial cause of this was my physical form not being able to keep up with the fire that was ignited in my soul; leaving me feeling helpless, powerless, burnt out, and defeated. My new found power & confidence gone.
This second round of EI,
regardless of the devastation it caused me at the time was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. It was during this round of medical EI that I was forced to accept the hard reality that my physical vessel is disabled whether my spiritual one is or not. With this I also found the acceptance in the fact that that is okay. During this second round of Medical leave I truly found myself again, & took charge of my health. I found the artistic side I’ve always possessed but thought I had lost, and began making jewelry like I did as a child. This developed into me even starting my own hobby business! If you told that girl from 2018 I would ever put myself out there like that she’d tell you, that you were a liar. I took the time to grieve the life that my life long disability has taken away from me, and when this grieving was done I reached back out to Anna.
“‘Blowing out someone else’s flame will never make yours shine any brighter, but if we bring all of our flames together we will create a light bright enough to change the world. ”
Which brings us all the way to today, June 2023.
Anna welcomed me back into her studio with open arms, & an open heart ready to hear as much as I was willing to tell her. She stopped me right away, she told me that I am not disabled, or sick, that that is not who Miranda is at the soul. That that negativity would not lead to my break through. At this moment I knew how much we truly had to learn from each other on a spiritual level, & how ready I truly was for our work together. I told her that I disagree with her, that I don’t think words like disabled, anxiety, addict etc are bad words. I think that our society has put a negative cloak on those words, but to every negative there is a positive. So what if we turn that cloak inside out? What is the positive on the other side of the word?
“Labels should have never been used to divide, or to separate. Labels should be used as a tool for communication, understanding, and empathy.”
When the world hears disabled, they focus on the disadvantage, the failure to fit into an ableist culture.
I hear someone who is highly diverse,who has the ability to see multiple perspectives of life, perspectives most will never understand enough to fully empathize with. When the world hears mentally ill they hear, weak or crazy, I hear intuitive & inspiring.
Are the words from the start of this lengthily entry beginning to make more sense?
I firmly believe that when we are met with the cruel realty that is life, no matter age, we have the choice to allowed it to make us cold, or kind. I see the positive on the negative labels, because I choose kind. I come from a family littered with generational trauma on both ends, meaning this is a choice I have to make every day; but I know it is my souls purpose to break this cycle, & do my part to change the views within the world.
So how do I answer Anna’s question? Who is Miranda?
Miranda is resilient, a true survivor, a warrior. Miranda is spiritual, powerful, receptive, and kind. Miranda is incredibly intelligent, a friend, a daughter, a sister. Miranda is a mental health advocate, and a chronic illness activist. Miranda is compassionate, creative, empathetic, understanding. Miranda is honest, vulnerable, brave. Miranda is powerful, a leader, and a cycle breaker.
Most of all Miranda is me.
If there is one thing I leave you with it is that you are enough, you are loved, you are worthy. Life will be filled with many downs, but there will always be ups, & a label will never define the rest of your life. There are still hard days or weeks, but hard times doesn’t have to mean a less fortunate future. I hope in this world filled with so much cruelty, I have inspired you to always choose kindness; and see the positive on the other side.
With love & kindness, Mir ♡
